For the BOY whom I wish was a MAN: Fathers

            Growing up I was raised by a teenager, who became an ADULT, and MOTHER when she was left to take care a child on her own. Even though life got HARD she never gave up on her dreams and her child. After watching the sacrifices my Mother made I told myself I would never make her disappointed to show that I was GRATEFUL for the LIFE sacrifices she made for me to live the life I LIVE. I can say I did make her disappointed from time to time, but not to the point I STRESSED her at night. I stayed in school, made honor roll, graduated on time, went to college, stayed out of trouble and did everything I was told.

            She taught me everything she could about Men and how to carry myself like a woman, but there was still that VOID that a FATHER had to FILL. There are a few things I learned about MEN based off of experiences that a FATHER can ONLY teach. I thank GOD every day that I was born INTELLIGENT with the SOUL OLDER than my AGE that allowed me to learn QUICKER instead of getting caught up a situation where I would regret like MAJORITY of the women I know of. No shade. The statement of children not having great relationships with their parents affects their personal LOVE RELATIONSHIPS is really true. I’m a prime example. Due to my Father not showing his LOYALTY has affected the way I’ve dealt with my relationships in the past, and my thoughts of MEN. Indeed, every man is not a PIECE of shit, but my mentality was if my father wasn’t LOYAL why would believe the man I was dating would be LOYAL.

            At the end of the day this has severed ties with each relationship I had. Most women, whom fathers were in and out of jail and deadbeats, would never admit this but these are the signs of acceptance and maturing. I learned I have to stop blaming EVERY MAN for MY FATHER NOT being a MAN. In life when someone who is CLOSE to your HEART does you WRONG repetitively after chances and chance. When you meet new people, who resemble them in characteristics can result in you displacing your anger upon them which is NOT FAIR to them or you. At the end of the day you can be ruining a GOOD thing that GOD sent to you when you desperately PRAYED for it. But when you’re BLIND by PAIN its HARDED to recognize a GOOD THING when it’s sitting in your face.

            After 24 years on this earth I have recognized this and have accepted it TODAY and it’s time to make a few changes so I can break this cycle. If I don’t I will end up alone or end up being a PIECE of shit like my FATHER with multiple MEN lingering on me, broken hearted whom will HATE me in the long run. When you feel a way towards someone your actions began to resemble theirs without actually paying close attention. From this day on I’ve finally FORGIVEN him and accepted him for who he is. Now it’s time for me to take the time focus on who I’m with and showing APPRECIATION for him being here and accepting me for who I am flaws and all.